Ok before anyone freaks out or races off to check Riwai’s face book page, instagram, twitter or jumps onto a facebook group to double check with others whats happened because they feel too uncomfortable and concerned to actually ask either of us if this is true.

Take a deep breath and let me explain…..

I am not divorcing my beautiful husband.

I have been seriously contemplating divorcing my fitbit!  and its only been six weeks!

I found out it has been lying to me for over a month so as honesty is one of my values I thought the best thing to do was leave the lying, cheating, piece of crap…. How dare Mr Fitbit say I had been getting poor sleep for the past six weeks, every morning it acted like my friend and gave me positive affirmations like nailed it!  awesome work!  And then blast out red lines and light blue blocks and not ever give me a gold star for achieving!  I should have known better.   I trusted my Mr FB before I really got to know him.   I jumped into bed with him before checking out his credentials,  relying on Mr FB to tell me how I was doing.

Each morning I would wake up, feeling rested and excited to take on the day.   I would have my shower and feel on top of the world like I had for most of the year and then over breakfast and my cuppa tea would sync my phone to validate how I was doing…

Fitbits are an amazing piece of technology.   They record and keep me accountable (great for a numbers gal like me)  I trusted that the technology had be accurate.   I had no flip side to say it wouldn’t be…  For the past few weeks I have been telling everyone that I got a fitbit to check on Riwais sleep as I was concerned about how his shift work has been affecting his sleep patterns, within a week I was discovering that my sleep patterns were not so good.

Yet despite doing everything my GP tells me to do for sleep hygiene, many of them ideas that I share with my LeapStars!  My fitbit said my sleep was bad………….So I decided my sleep was bad!

  • I went back to no caffeine after 5pm.
  • I have no technology moments every day
  • I changed my working week so that I have more down time
  • I took up gardening so I had fresh air
  • I get outside and sunshine at least daily
  • I am eating regular meals and smaller portions
  • I pulled back my bed time to 10:30
  • We adjusted the temperature to be constant in our room
  • We have no technology (except the fitbit) in the bedroom
  • We meditate every night
  • I even get to wake up without an alarm……………

All this great work on my sleep and still the result was below average!  No stars for me and my graph never change colour
Day after day deflated…
And all of this before I even had a chance to see how my body felt or if I even felt unrested.  If the fitbit said then it must be true!

I was reaching for validation that I was achieving!  I got sick and even heard myself saying to my GP, I am quite run down and my fitbit says I haven’t had much sleep so I am not surprised that I got sick!    Ha!  I should have known better,…..

I shared how poor my sleep was with clients, friends and families!  I had trusted this new relationship with all my heart!

Seem that no matter how awesome our technology seems to be in the end that the same old garbage in garbage out saying is true!   

Because after six weeks of thinking I was a fraud (that was because here I have been for five years talking about the importance of quality sleep and quality rest and all along I wasn’t a good sleeper) it was simply that when I set it up I had it on the wrong setting……………………. 

So I searched my fitbit and read all I could about the sleep mode and then changed my setting……….

And then turned off automatic syncing…

Instead I wore it but I got up and listened to my body.  I felt great and decided that I didn’t need my Fitbit to tell me about my sleep because I SLEPT WELL!!!!! …..

I had a great weekend and felt rested, had plenty of energy and completed loads of tasks on my list…. and guess what.  I synced it tonight but this time it told me I had 8 hours of good quality sleep.    Ha rubbish in rubbish out.. Technology is only as good as the input-ed data.

Recently I filtered from all my online media bytes that the average person has somewhere between 50,000 and 70,000 thoughts. …….so it also comes as now suprise that with this amount of inner traffic whizzing through our heads a day that we can lose touch with ourselves.

That led me to wonder if that might be leading to making it difficult to connect with ourselves and therefore be making real connections with those around us.    

My experience with my Fitbit was another fascinating journey for me on the impact technology can have.   I had lost touch with myself and began critically analysing my behaviours around sleep all based on something I had introduced to my life.   I became almost obsessed with what it was telling me instead of listening to what my body was telling me.

With all of the noise and confusion most people lives with thanks to technology it has seemingly put us on a fast bullet train whizzing past all that is dear to us.  

It has it’s place and as I said last week I wouldn’t give it up.   My wish is that we remember even when technology seems to enhance our world that we don’t forget that what really matters…

After all isn’t that what makes us uniquely human, our ability to share our thoughts, to connect on a deeper level, to communicate.    With all the thinking go on, and seeking approval and validation from technology, what chance does our heart have to breathe, feel, and experience life, no less make contact with ourselves and significant others?  The crowded mind makes for an overcrowded heart with little room for ourselves and less room for anyone else. When we live such a busy life, how open, available, and loving can we be?

I am regularly enriching my life and discovering what matters more than technology in my life.

Here are my five top reflections since discovering how the Fitbit impacted on my life and thoughts…

1. Love and kindness giving unconditional love to others cost nothing and can make the world of difference to someone else’s world. Receiving it is also far more wonderful than anything technology can give.

2. My health. Although technology can enhance my treatments it cannot encourage me to listen to my body and take time to do what is best for me and my body.   Technology can not make my decisions for me.   I can stand on my own two feet despite medical and alternative health professionals assuming this would not be the case at my age.

3. True nature and all the world brings can not be fully replaced by technology .  Technology could not prevent our earthquakes, or change the tides, move the moon or the sun.  I can use technology  for the actual sun to come up earlier or set later! Or push a button and get the sun to come out  naturally or have it rain when it’s a drought. Our natural world is full of wonders that are more technology can not alter.

4. Connections and face – face conversations, hugs and smiles are not the same from technology!

5. And the last thing is time. How we use it and how we spend our time is the key for real and everlasting happiness.  Make sure that technology aids your use of time not hinders it 😀

Happy days beautiful people as I am off to have a conversation and hug my husband and feed the good wolf.

We have worked out an amicable way to keep my Mr FB and his Ms FB in our lives.  The benefits to our health are worth it – just as long as we remember our thoughts are our own and no graphs, gold stars or red and blue lines can take that away from either of us!

feed the right wolf

kind·ness 1.the state or quality of being kind of a good or benevolent nature or disposition: a kind and loving person. considerate, or helpful; humane behavior:
January 2012 is a month that I will never forget for the most wonderful reasons.   I discovered my Knights of Kindness.  As the clock ticked over to Midnight to January 2012, I shared a lovely moment with my family and decided that this year would be my best ever, just like my favourite movie it would be a year of Hakuna Matata – means no worries for the rest of our days.  But sadly in just a few days I could feel my body shutting down, severe pain was creeping back, like toothache through my entire body.   Those dark memories of sleepless nights, hot sweats, lack of strength and extreme fatigue, lack of appetite were back, those signs I wish I could ignore, so I pushed through denying the inevitable until the pain became more difficult to hide.    The rollercoaster had begun, the crutches were be dusted off, my frequent flyers memebership to the Outpatients waiting room renewed and my good old orange disability pass was ready in the car window once more!  Bugger!  RA Flare up – and just when this year was looking so good.
I have met over 25 health professionals this month.   As we medically get this disease under control it has become more important for me to learn about my self and build on my positive attitude I have developed through my wellness.    When we are given news we so often forget we are in control of our own Kingdom.  We can choose how we act.   Aesops fable is that no act of kindess no matter how big or small is ever wasted.   Aristotle’s philosophy on kindness was helpfulness towards some one in need, not in return for anything, nor for the advantage of the helper himself, but for that of the person helped.   Kindess is also one of the Knightly Virtues.    So I have armed myself with smiles, manners and hugs.    In order to rule My Kingdom of Me including my mind, body and spirit I need to lead the charge and show humility, friendliness and kindness to all I come into contact with.  As I take out my finest horse (well shiny red crutches) and lead the charge I have discovered the world is full of modern day Knights who just as in the High Middle Ages display a set of virtues to get me through.  I found a calvary of Kindness and amongst them one in Shining Armour – a perfect way to start Valentines Month and my knights birthday.    Thank you Mr Grace and all my modern knights secretly disguised as as LeapStars, family, medical professionals, strangers and supporters who will help me save my Kingdom and fight my latest battle with Kindness 🙂

Dawn 1. To begin to become light in the morning, 2. To begin to appear or develop; emerge, 3. To begin to be perceived or understood.

When I was little my nana said to me “Dawn is the best part of the day. She was so right! There is something quite magical about the stillness, calmness and wonderment at the beginning of a new day. As the sun peeks through the horizon it sparkles and smiles on our landscape and gives us the nod to wake up and go forward.

This week we were blessed to show some amazing friends around our city. They had not been to Christchurch since Mother Nature started her party in 2010. We shared hugs, tears, and stories of horror and survival. We drove around and stood by the iron fences and signs of Extreme Danger – Do Not Enter. We stood arm in arm in silence remembering those who had lost their lives and those that were still piecing their lives back together. In that moment it was almost unbelievable what we were going through. My friend looked at me and said “You guys are a part of world history. But it is like a War, even worse than War. You have no reliable intelligence, you can’t plan your attack. You have no idea when the next attack is coming and that must take incredible strength”. I stood there and blinked silent tears, as they fell on the pavement, it dawned on me and I remembered what Nana said! “Tomorrow is a new day so as long as the sun comes up we have hope”.

At that moment a bird flew through a glassless window. I blinked and refocused and looked up and down the street; more birds appeared, trees appeared, flowers poked through the gaps. We continued around our city of ruins but my view had changed, in that one moment it was like a daytime dawn. Through the stillness, calmness of our broken city nature had kept going. I saw a different city full of magic; there were flowers, plants, grass, trees, birds, bees and it was beautiful. It is a city full of wonderment.

Sometimes we just need to see things in a different light. Sometimes we need to have the patience to see what appears and emerges. Then there will be a time for new understanding and new perceptions.

Thank you Nana for teaching me the power of every dawn and thank you to J & S for sharing with us this week xx

fear – to consider or anticipate something of adversity or misfortune with a feeling alarm.  As the world grows closer with the amazing world of social media and nano second instant relaying of quality pictures, words, video from around the globe it is no wonder that we hear the word fear more often.

I often wonder if there really is more adversity and tough times going on in the world or if we just hear about it & see it so fast that it all seems more heightened and overwhelming?   I wonder how our relations would have been affected by the the magnitude 7.8 Murchison earthquake on 17 June 1929 that was felt from Auckland to Bluff, or the great losses of the our troops at World Wars, the destruction of the 1931 Napier Earthquakes,  or the loss of loved ones in both 1953 Tangawai Disaster & 1979 Erebus Disaster – if they had our latest techology and instant and around the clock media on these events.

I am not taking away that there has been sadness and loss but sometimes I wonder how much healing we can do when there is so much sensationalised media around.   Don’t get me wrong I love our technology but maybe it is worth taking a breath from all the hustle and bustle in life to ponder what it is I am actually afraid of when I feel those alarms of fear?  Its probably time to let go?  I think they may have been holding me back and Eleanor Roosevelt is right…. time to find use my experiences to follow my dreams…..Its time to free the fear! 

ps if you are needing help or support with facing your fears or your current fears are overwhelming you, please please reach out to professionals, friends, family for assistance getting through.  You are never alone 🙂 xx