Positivity

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What a SUPER day it turned out to be..

So it’s after midnight but this always happens after any treatment I get as I get a bit dose of IV steroids that lasts a day or so.    The good news is I wanted to share a couple of very cool groups of super heroes, some I have never met but they have been rocks and supported me on more than one day this past six months. They are all heroes in my eyes read more on how they changed me life here..

Firstly the superheroes at the CDHB 🌟  and Surgical Day Unit 🌟 ! I counted 14 different people who came and advised me and made me feel comfortable at the odd anxious moment and completed the procedure quickly and smoothly.    Three on the anaesthetic team, two consultants, one registrar, pre-op, surgical, recovery and post op nurses.. Not to mention the behind the scenes crew I never met! It was amazing and all of them are super heroes in my mind!  Thank you.

So far (apart from the temporary insomnia ) I am feeling good .  My Rheumatoid Arthritis flare means I qualify for another round of my magic treatment, it is pretty awesome that the NZ health system and treatments have come so far and are  working for me to keep everything at bay physically so I feel we are leaping off to a great start of my 20 years of arthritis celebrations with another superhero Rheumatology and Immunology team at CDHB 🌟 .

The flip side of course is the emotional roller coaster still has its challenging days.  So here is another group of super heroes I have never met but been rocks and supported  me on more than one day this six months.

Introducing YOU App..

 

making sustainable changes on day at a time

I feel blessed that following Jamie Oliver and his food revolution campaign in May 2015 that I discovered and became a part of an incredible community through the @YOU_APP. The amazing @YOU_team along with the ever inspirational @jamieoliver and all of the people involved make it such a positive, empowering and life changing experience. Those who already follow me know that 2016, has started out pretty challenging on the health front and I know that is largely because I give and give and forget to look after myself. After six years of hard work and dream chasing my hubbie (@tutumannz) and I opened our specialised wellness studio LeapHQ, empowering others with health conditions to leap2it! and discover their own life balance, and share their good news.

It’s been an amazing year and personally it had so much to do with this APP. During our NZ winter when usually I get sick I turned YOU actions to help keep my balanced. I became the wellest (doubt that’s even a word) energised and healthiest I had been in a decade thanks all the micro actions I did. One day my dream is to meet them and give them all a big thank you hug. They hopefully know how much they positively impacted on my life and how everything fits perfectly into my LEAP philosophies for loving life, enjoying exercise, appreciating all around YOU and participating positively. This year I am going to use the APP to record a one minute diary and most importantly I am no longer going to be selfish and keep this APP to myself! The world needs more of YOU to know about it and grow this community so we all live in a healthier, fitter. stronger, and happy place.

So for 2016 I highly recommend you download https://you-app.com, follow their blog and be apart of something great 🌟 and while you we are on the subject of super heroes you can not go  past a look at Jamie Oliver’s new book Everyday Super Food 🌟  or his blog to learn more here http://www.jamieoliver.com/healthier-happier-you/

12:45am and yay! Finally a yawn x

Happy lunching northern friends

Good night down under friends

Smiles and Hugs

Cx

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I have been reflecting on what my role is as a Personal trainer, Wellness Coach and Leap Coach.   For the last five years as my role has evolved and with it the title..    It was a great thought to ponder.

What I realised hasn’t changed from day one in my role is that I facilitate change.

I inspire, encourage and empower  people everyday and provide them with tools and skills they can use to make internal and external shifts.  I challenge them – physically and emotionally.  My role is often to introduce uncomfortable conversations to allow those I work with to discover and share their own good news.   It is so rewarding to watch unfolding one step after another,  little by little, until eventually they experience massive growth and big changes have been made to their overall health, wellbeing.   Then like magic the impact and flow starts for those around them, their families, friends, workplaces and wider communities.   It really is so rewarding and amazing to watch.

They stretch, and push their own boundaries – and constantly re-define their comfort levels and as a result they improve on many levels.

However… it still amazes me that even when people work hard and look and feel amazing that giving compliments to themselves or receiving compliments about them is a major challenge.

As you know I don’t push products unless I really believe in them so what I am about to share with you is not about the product its about the content of their latest promotion!  They women in the campaign  represent the women I work with (men might feel the same but I don’t have a video to share for them!)

Congratulations DOVE!   This is wonderful 🙂

So here it is and maybe after watching this today you might start to start some new conversations with yourself and those close to you about whether you are Average or Beautiful.

Cx

ps heres the behind the scenes footage!  Its Awesome too! 🙂

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Goodness it seems that getting fired up might be a good thing this year!   After a week of hearing myself beating myself up I got to thinking enough is enough.  My mind chatter was joy stealing and my melancholy mood and less than enthusiastic attitude was just exhausting me.

So the first month of the year has ended and when we all got up in this morning there would be trillions (ok maybe I am exaggerating) but there will be heaps of people, probably mostly women,  whom use nearly all their 50 thousand thoughts today negatively beating themselves up because they haven’t done what they set out to do last month, last week or yesterday.

You know those new years resolutions that were set but never started, the missed 31 positive thoughts in a jar to open next year, or the “diet” you are starting on “Monday” or when the kids go back to school, or that exercise that you will do but just at the end of the day when you have completed the never ending list of things or the perfect ideal day you will start on tomorrow!

STOP!! Enough with the the negative mind chatter and gunna do it laters!    and seriously stop we have to stop beating ourselves up and BS and all this pressure.

As the month rolls into a new one and isn’t it opportune that it is Sunday – making tomorrow Monday, and the kids are going back to school so you can actually be organised.   YOU NOW HAVE A CHOICE!  Do something about it or quit the whinging and beating yourself with negative chatter and self destructive thinking.

From where I see it we have the opportunity RIGHT NOW to make a choice!

Do something about it or don’t do something about it.

Here are six ideas to get you going.    And by the way I do this because I care.   I want you to be happy this year because I actually believe that you have something to offer the world and are worth it!  oh and I have totally been there myself and it’s just not fun!

Here we go…..

1.  You can do something about it and start doing something NOW!  It is way easier to make a change if you start!  It doesn’t have to be monumental and announced to the world, it doesn’t have to take loads of time, effort or money.  Just start – what if you used some of the time you are being negative to yourself on STARTING.   Any small action towards what you want to do must be better than worrying about what hasn’t been done.

2.  You can be happy about how you are now.    I know, I know this takes practice but at the end of the day the only body you will live in is the one you have now.    People, including you are missing out on all your best bits while you are unhappy and I’ll let you into a little secret – if you start loving your curves, bumps, bulges, scars, dimples, hair, eyes and everything inside out from your nose to your toes you might be surprised how well you start to look after it!

3.   Listen to the messages your body is giving you and get actioning!  You will be a long time dead and it would be better that you didn’t go earlier than you need to!    Oh and going to bed earlier to get more sleep, talking nicely to yourself in your own thoughts, drinking water and moving a little more actually costs nothing!  Miracles to feeling better available right now at your finger tips!

  1. Take a look around and see what blessing you have got in your life and be fricken happy about what you do have! Focus on the things you have not what you haven’t!  There are people in the world who really do have something to worry about – like will their child be stolen and sold for child prostitution, will a bomb go off when the  go to get the market,  will the rain fall so that we can harvest food for the village,  will there be water at the well when I walk two hours to the new water pump in the next village.      Makes your negative chatter seem a bit first world!  You have access to fabulous shelter, running water, flushing toilets, fresh and nutritious food, a back yard full of opportunities and a body that can move.  DON”T WASTE IT!  
  2. Oh and if what I am writing is making you uncomfortable – then good job then it probably is time for you to take some action to look after you biggest asset and your biggest cheer squad – By the way that’s YOU! And here’s a home truth.   It’s true but if you have had time to read this then you have time to look after yourself!  Get in the photos with your kids and family, look in mirrors, go swimming in togs and practice treating yourself like you do your best friend!   Oh and if you have kids then remember that you are their biggest teacher.  Believe me kids don’t miss a trick!  So don’t let your daughters and sons grow up being unhappy with who they are!
  3. Looking after yourself shouldn’t be a chore. It shouldn’t be the last thing on your list.  It should be part of life.  So start! Just if it’s a couple of minutes a day doing something different can make the world of difference.   Go on DO IT NOW – It may just help you feel better!
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Following my previous blog Out of My Comfort Zone  tonight is the night I hit the stage in exquisite range of underwear.    It’s three o’clock, and I am madly rushing across town so that I can showcase the new spring collection for The Fitting Room.       We have a dress rehearsal and I am am on stage four times.    Corporate,  Bedoiour, Swim Wear and Finishing in the Prints Session.     I am so pleased that the music collection includes one of my favourite songs and the lyrics are perfect to settle my nerves!

“Roar”

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath

Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar

Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’ll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar…

Ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’ll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar…

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harbor (1)

I love celebrating women’s good news.

But here’s the thing I have to declare I have a wee bug bear that I have to share….

Too many women feel they can only celebrate success if the scales tell them to do so.

You see every week I hang out with the most extraordinary women who work incredibly hard all week hydrating, nourishing, exercising, appreciating and enjoying their life.

They jump on the cardio equipment with me or online in one of our groups and share  they have more energy,  feel fitter,  feel healthier, feel stronger,  are relaxing more and are feeling good.   Sometimes they are feeling great.   Their faces light up and the smile beam from ear to ear as they share this good news.

Then the dreaded question (dreaded for me…).  Are we weighing today?   I feel my body shudder… I feel my whole body  do a small convulsion and I am the one weighing not the weighee .. I seriously feel like one of the executioners from game of thrones…  Because I know that in exactly two minutes the result can make or break my beautiful LeapStars day.

I do because my clients ask and it’s expected that a trainer who is supporting weight loss will weigh but I have realised I have done it reluctantly and in the end probably doing is as a disservice to my authentic self.    I haven’t weighed myself for years.   I stand on the scales for my medical professionals to work out dosage – but I never look.   I let other things determine my mood for the day.    I let my clothes and bra size tell me how I am doing and if I am track.

It hasn’t been an easy journey,  I have relapses,  especially on good days,  especially when I feel so good maybe I should seek some validation from what I knew for 25 years … Maybe the scales will tell me something better than I feel.     After all the world seem to put an huge amount of weight – excuse the pun – on the result too.   You don’t need to look far to find good new headlines of “she lost x amount.” It’s everywhere – society, media and throughout my industry

So I take my clients off their cardio equipment and watch silently in horror as dread starts to fall over their faces,  as they take their shoes and sock off and gingerly stand by a piece of glass, with nuts and bolts and some beeping buttons.     They rush to the loo,  take of another layer and mumble how they shouldn’t have eaten breakfast.    And I have encouraged it – for five years I have been part of this ridiculous ritual.    Before that I was asking others to do this for me it 25 years of terror or joy depending on the number flashing back at me.    And then we celebrated if it went down and grappled with the disapproving look down the nose of someone else if it went down.

My ladies do nothing more than weigh there self esteem.     If the number is up or down or bang on the same does it really reflect how you are?  Where you are at?   We know when our clothes are tight,  when we are dehydrated, when we puff at the top of hill.  From where I stand weighing is a pretty inaccurate measure of how you really are.

Wouldn’t it be a good day if we paid attention to what is happening to what is happening IN your body, in your life and focus on what we can change because of real tangible things.   What if we paid attention to habits and what you are doing consistently to make real change in the way you live and feel.  What if we measured our water intake every day and it makes our body feel instead of jumping naked in secret on the scales!!

It’s time to create real change!  We need to get real.  We need to do the small things regularly,  measure them in real ways,  understand the result, and adjust if we don’t feel happy about it!   Then we will really celebrate!

 

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“Now cate if you are in this much pain you can call us and come in earlier”. The thing is despite all my tears I was completely in denial and really did think I would wake up and this one would be all sorted…

Oops another stumble – lying on the examination bed at Outpatients the good news comes. Your bloods look good, joints are good. You look healthy – however we all pointed out Riwai had pushed me in the chair as really walking was not on today’s agenda. ” Yes yes yes… Could be your back again. Let’s have a look.”

Stripped down and sheet covering the appropriate places, Riwai and I giggled and even the usually very serious rheumatologist offered a wry smile. “Let’s just give you all the belts and braces with this one”. We all looked down at what should resemble a knee that looked more like soccer ball and had a bend in it resembling the Golden Gate Bridge. Thank you back as if on cue it throbs sending shooting pains down to my toes. Realising it has been like this for a few weeks sends me into another fit of giggles. How on earth did I miss that ridiculous knee. No wonder I couldn’t weight bare. As I am about to ask what happens next, Peter has turned me around propped up my soccer ball with a double pillow and numbed me with a local anaesthetic. Quick and precise hands and a bit of multitasking sees me given a cortisone injection into the joint… Holy smoke more tears, Riwais hands nearly squeezed blue but it is all for a good cause… Keep me out of that fricken wheel chair!!! The belts and braces included a new prescription, X-ray’s referral, new bloods, a quick dash for a new set of crutches to avoid weight bearing on one leg and twisting my back and a medical day appointment for a round of ritixamab … Oh joy says Riwai – another month of texture eating. More giggles and then a serious face comes from Peter. Now once we get this knee sorted back surgery maybe a possibility as this nerve pain is not subsiding. Let’s talk about this next time. I doubt we would do it in the next three months however it is an option. We will need a new MRI for that one…. I feel my HR rise … Anxiety setting in…I just don’t like MRI’s … Bank those thoughts … We can worry about that another day. For today lets get the knee straightening, get the pain (I was in denial about) under control and have a few days rest… Although he knows his idea and mine about what constitutes rest are slightly different. The good thing is I will get plenty of down time at infusion time. Off Riwai takes me outside for a race in the sunshine to pick up my new legs… Molly is fab and I have two crutches. Oh golly gee if only EQR and EQC woes were sorted that easily … But that’s a blog for a different day 🙂

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Dear universe – I must confess it has been seven months since my last blog. It has been playing heavily on my mind that I have not been blogging. It’s not that I haven’t had anything to write about… In fact the opposite is true. So I decided that the best way to lay this blogging demon out of my negative mind chatter was to blog! Settle in for a read as I have a bit to catch you up on…

2014 had all the makings of a most spectacular year. My treatment from 2013 was working, I had been around the world showcasing my curves and crutches. I was back on my bike training for my dream of completing a half Graperide, and did so, inspiring some new gorgeous LeapStars to do the same and was blessed to cross the finish line with my soulmate and husband in his first ever bike event. I have discovered the wonderful benefits of eastern medicine which has kept my pain levels manageable. I have had the most wonderful opportunities to share my good news around the South Island, as I went on a roadshow for two different clients. It was breathtaking to travel and speak in Nelson, Blenheim, Christchurch, Dunedin and Queenstown. Leap is leaping ahead. Tutuman, Lou and Emma have been rocks as we took on five more contractors bringing our team to nine. This has opened more doors to ensure Leap offer the best holistic service for all of our clients. We have a fabulous range of clients from aged 8 – 67 and watching them grow in confidence and strength every week is so often reason I have continued to get out of bed and keep going.

On personal growth I have been blessed to be one of a handful of people from around NZ who have been meeting each month as part of the BE Leadership Program. All of us facing our adversity head on each month as we unravel who we are and how we can lead social change in our communities. I have had been meeting Fiona Miller a growth coach regularly who had helped me put into perspective who I am and what my legacy is.

I am sure that I am pulling off to the outside world that my world is wonderful. As my dad used to say “kiddo you have a great telephone voice… Meaning that no matter what is going on no one would know”. I think it’s because I could have been a great actress… Getting up every day to perform for the world. And then there is my more positive and rational brain believing I can pull off positive because it helps me get back on track quicker…

Because you see…..

This year has been one of the hardest years I have faced since my diagnosis – emotionally, spiritually and physically. I have done more writing this year than I ever have. Writing is such a cathartic way for me to process my world and find solutions to get back on track. It’s just not seemed right to publish my musings this year. I am sick of hearing about my woes so why on earth would anyone else still give a damn! I have had an enormous challenges and feel like I am stuck on a mouse wheel instead of the rollercoaster I used to love. Going up and down is fun…. Going around and around is not so fun. My mentors and medical team have helped keep most of my darkness away from the world. They all share the same view (maybe with different words….). “Cate, mentally you are a strong lady, but your body is constantly fighting itself and each year. It is your body that is dealing with the stress. It is your body that is slowly deteriorating as it copes with what is happening.”

If my body would let me I would jump up and down stomping my feet, yelling IT IS NOT FAIR! Hospital visits, new diagnosis, more teams, a broken house, an unloved garden, fighting with the neighbours, an EQR project manager who isn’t in our corner, an EQC process that is confusing, feeling like we stayed positive for four years just to be treated like “complainers”. Overwhelmed with grief… Tears as the rubbish bins head down the driveway – missing my nan and her hugs and wise words. Tears as I drive through town – feeling nostalgia as the great memories flood back of our beautiful city. Tears as I pack away the “box of memories” for my kids that will never be. Tears as we “perch” in a house that no longer feels like home, with that feeling of anguish and exhaustion and we are only at the start of the process. Moments of anger and grumpy outbursts at Riwai when I can’t get up without his help, turn the shower on or lift a cup without dropping it. Guilt as I see him be the best carer he can be so I can continue to do what I love and help others find their smiles. Exhaustion from doing the tiniest of movements when only a few months ago I was biking without a care in the world. Loneliness as I keep it all hidden as much as I can. Insomnia as I manage the pain.

Rheumatoid Arthritis is a cruel disease. Still there is no cure, it’s unpredictability so frustrating but tomorrow is a new day and another chance for a new beginning. Every day I am out of a wheelchair is a great day. Despite my dark moments I have the opportunity to make a difference in the world. I am so grateful that I have a strong mind, tenacity to turn this around, an awesome soul mate and brilliant medical team to work through this. My LeapStars give me a plethora of opportunity to discover good news to share. My Leap2it! Philosophy is my own daily plan to fall back on. Continuing to discover my way to love life, enjoy exercise, appreciate myself and surroundings, have a positive purpose, access hydration, be inspiring and be inspired and be part of a fabulous tribe.

This year much of my learning has been about vulnerability and so I have shared what is happening for me. It has been good to get it off my chest!

However… I have been here before.. Winter is tough for us. With spring less than four weeks away we believe the mouse wheel is about to break and … A familiar feeling that we haven’t felt for a long time is back… Hope! With a dash of courage!

Tomorrow on my zimmerframe we head to my rheumatologist for my 11th year check up…..we feel it will be good news 🙂 …

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What else should a girl do while waiting for the Eurostar…. Champagne tasting of course 🙂

Today was an amazing travelling day – early morning tube to to catch the lunchtime Eurostar, lunch in Paris and train to Beavious before taxi to the airport to catch a plane to the Algarve in Portugal – arriving at 11:30pm. It was surprisingly a very relaxing and enjoyable day. The snails for lunch were a highlight until we have arrived in paradise…